Recently we have been having trouble with our 7-year-old daughter.  What happened to our happy-go-lucky, agreeable little girl?  Her new answer to nearly any request was some version of “No.”  Hang up your towel?  “No.”  TV time is over?  “No, I’m still watching.”  It’s time to do homework?  “No, not now.” 

We drive her to school each day and that gives either my wife or me some good-quality one-on-one time with her.  Normally we incorporate a few minutes of reading or a workbook exercise into the drive time.  I say normally because recently…that’s right…the answer has been “No.”  No reading, no workbook.

Last Monday was my turn to drive.  My wife handed me a book and a workbook exercise and asked that I have our daughter read to me and complete the exercise on the drive.  “Good luck,” she said as I left.   

After about 15 minutes of talking I said, “Mom sent along a book and worksheet.  I put them next to you on the seat if you want them.”  She replied, “I don’t want to read.”  I responded with, “No problem…only read if you want to.”  After a few minutes she asked, “Dad, would you like me to read to you?”  After the book, she completed the worksheet without me saying a word about it.

When I got home, I handed my wife the book and completed worksheet.  She asked if it was a hassle getting these done—I simply said no.  Two days later, I drove again and I went with the same plan.  This time two books and two worksheets!  Aha…I figured it out.

Recently I worked with a client on a big opportunity with a prospective customer (I’ll call them BCI…Best Choice, Inc.).  After a long pursuit, it was down to two contenders and my client was in second.  BCI gave my client one last chance to present their best offer.  They told my client that they were ready to go with the competition but would endure one last meeting. 

My client and I discussed approaches for the meeting.  One was the ever-popular “Here’s why to choose us” plan.  This plan is normally full of slides and claims of being the best at this and that.  It also often results in the client sitting there feeling like the only choice you are offering and respecting is “Choose us.”  So they sit patiently and at the end, say “Thanks for coming in—we’ll get back to you.”

The second strategy (and the one my client went with) explicitly put the choices on the table and made either option okay.  The central thrust of the meeting became working together to address what would have to change with my client’s solution, terms, conditions, and so forth to give BCI another good choice.  Instead of having only one excellent option, they would have two and they could choose which was best for them. 

It took some work prior to the meeting to gain agreement to this approach.  In the spirit of choice, my client and BCI worked together until they felt good about the proposal.  The meeting ended with the client saying how much they appreciated the approach and that they now had a tough decision to make.  A few days later came the call to say “Congratulations…you won, and the approach to the final meeting made a BIG difference.”

This is one of many stories I can think of where explicitly stating and respecting the choices people have opens the opportunity to work together without pressure and nonsense, and get to a place where the client has our best thinking.  At that point, they can choose what is in their own best interest.  Hence, the old adage—People love to buy and hate to be sold to.